I actually felt like I was doing okay for a while. Not perfectly, but I've never really lead a team before, so I'm going to let myself off the hook for that.
[he taps his fingers together, clearly starting to get quite nervous as they get to the root of the problem. it's been quick getting here; riptide knows what the problem is, but now it's getting to actually vocalising it, he's starting to stall.]
Ummm... I went away from the ship for a bit recently.
Riptide, first.. I will state. I'm proud of you for seeing yourself so thoroughly through this. [ Rung purses his pointer fingers together in clasped hands. ]
Not only for giving yourself leeway to a difficult task. But also recognizing you needed time away when it was over.
Now secondly, you can't fool this old gear tool. I know you're holding back. I am not here to judge you. I'm here to help.
Yeaaaah... I didn't exactly go away for a beach holiday, Rung. What really bothered me... more than Unicron and Megatron and whatever else was going down...
[he presses his hand to the side of his face, sighing.]
We encountered slavers when we were there. I mean-- I know Decepticons did that kind of slag during the war. It was just... I don't know. I was the one that was leading the team. Stopping them was down to me, not some other Autobot commander who knows better.
[ He takes his glasses off and holds them down from his face for a moment. Puts them back shortly after. Not even bothering to clean. Simply a need to remove them and refocus. ]
Riptide, did you go after the slavers when you left? Was it because you felt your job as commander wasn't over? Or did you feel something else...
Yes. I went after the slavers. I have no shame in this answer.
[genuinely, he doesn't feel bad about it. he doesn't feel good either, though. he doesn't feel anything, and that's kind of the problem.]
They hurt so many innocent people and ruined their lives. Duam tried to capture and sell both me and Tailgate. None of what I did really made me feel any better though. Why is that? It was unquestionably a good thing to do, and I am going to go and kill more of them sometime in the future, because it will continue to be a good thing.
The right thing does not always make us feel righteous. We're still killing and cycling malice. Its a paradox. To stamp out evil means to sometimes twist what is normally 'good'.
[ Rung says slowly and sighs. ]
They will leave you empty when the moment passes, but it does not always mean you were wrong to do it. The adrenaline of the kill is over, its a crash of emotions. Sometimes you will be numb, sometimes you will cry.
Though you must never forget your enemy is as multi factual as yourself. When you forget your enemy is a person... any one can be an enemy. because all it takes is to remove personhood from evil.
Some are irredeemable evils.... but there is still a person behind the action.
[ Rung smiles solemnly ]
I'm proud of you Riptide. Never forget that, I may speak in a way that pushes against your learned ways.. but I'm still proud of you.
They aren't people, they're slavers. I'm not even close to upset about killing them. To be honest, I'm annoyed it didn't make me feel better. Do I need to kill more? I feel like the answer here is I need to kill more.
Yes? Yeah, actually, that's exactly what makes them deserving to die.
[this, weirdly, is helping. maybe what he wanted was an argument about it. maybe he wanted someone to dislike him about it, but he knows specifically rung won't be that person.]
I'm going to forget it. They're barbaric, Rung. I really do think the best thing here is for me to kill more.
...
But I will have a break first. Maybe reflect on our... tactics or whatever.
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no subject
[he taps his fingers together, clearly starting to get quite nervous as they get to the root of the problem. it's been quick getting here; riptide knows what the problem is, but now it's getting to actually vocalising it, he's starting to stall.]
Ummm... I went away from the ship for a bit recently.
no subject
Not only for giving yourself leeway to a difficult task. But also recognizing you needed time away when it was over.
Now secondly, you can't fool this old gear tool. I know you're holding back. I am not here to judge you. I'm here to help.
[ He unclasps his hands. ]
What is the deeper issue here.
no subject
[he presses his hand to the side of his face, sighing.]
We encountered slavers when we were there. I mean-- I know Decepticons did that kind of slag during the war. It was just... I don't know. I was the one that was leading the team. Stopping them was down to me, not some other Autobot commander who knows better.
no subject
[ He takes his glasses off and holds them down from his face for a moment. Puts them back shortly after. Not even bothering to clean. Simply a need to remove them and refocus. ]
Riptide, did you go after the slavers when you left? Was it because you felt your job as commander wasn't over? Or did you feel something else...
There is no shame in any answer you give me.
no subject
[genuinely, he doesn't feel bad about it. he doesn't feel good either, though. he doesn't feel anything, and that's kind of the problem.]
They hurt so many innocent people and ruined their lives. Duam tried to capture and sell both me and Tailgate. None of what I did really made me feel any better though. Why is that? It was unquestionably a good thing to do, and I am going to go and kill more of them sometime in the future, because it will continue to be a good thing.
no subject
[ Rung says slowly and sighs. ]
They will leave you empty when the moment passes, but it does not always mean you were wrong to do it. The adrenaline of the kill is over, its a crash of emotions. Sometimes you will be numb, sometimes you will cry.
Though you must never forget your enemy is as multi factual as yourself. When you forget your enemy is a person... any one can be an enemy. because all it takes is to remove personhood from evil.
Some are irredeemable evils.... but there is still a person behind the action.
[ Rung smiles solemnly ]
I'm proud of you Riptide. Never forget that, I may speak in a way that pushes against your learned ways.. but I'm still proud of you.
no subject
They aren't people, they're slavers. I'm not even close to upset about killing them. To be honest, I'm annoyed it didn't make me feel better. Do I need to kill more? I feel like the answer here is I need to kill more.
no subject
And what right do you have to remove their personhood? Because they remove it from others?
I won't stop you from killing them, but I won't let you forget that.
[ Rung straights his back. ]
I'm sorry. I really am. I don't have perfect answers, I don't have perfect solutions... I wish I knew what was right...
no subject
[this, weirdly, is helping. maybe what he wanted was an argument about it. maybe he wanted someone to dislike him about it, but he knows specifically rung won't be that person.]
I'm going to forget it. They're barbaric, Rung. I really do think the best thing here is for me to kill more.
...
But I will have a break first. Maybe reflect on our... tactics or whatever.
no subject
[ He shakes his head. ]
If you take one thing from this session, its to decide if you really want to cross this line. I will be here... I will still be here.
[ He wonders if he has any right to judge Riptide. Its easy to say and see when one is on the outside...
He just hopes Riptide doesn't act irrationally. Regret something in the end.
He had points. But so did Rung. ]